Accountability Is Not Shame
Many times I’ve spoken with others, and when accountability is addressed many people equate that to feeling shame. When we began to recognize some of our not so healthy or great traits within ourselves, a lot of times people will tense up and get stuck in the feeling of guilt that and that person will function in a shameful mindset. Many people confuse humility and seeing their flaws as a negative experience. The goal to recognizing and excepting our not so great traits is mostly for us to become self aware. And being self aware helps you become a better person internally. When you can see the areas that you are either lying to yourself, or lying to others or are not aware of, this is what helps you become accountable. It helps you call a spade a spade with yourself long before others can. It actually gives you a one up on the enemy.
Accountability IS a priority amongst leaders or at least should be. We are all created leaders in some way, shape or form. If you are a parent, you are a leader. If you work a job, you are a leader and that doesn’t mean because you are a supervisor or manager that you are only a leader. A team member on any job is a space to hold in leadership. Serving others in any way is leadership. Leaders have leaders. If you are a part of a church or organization, whether you are a consistent member, or actually operating in a role in a church or organization, you are a leader. If you are an older sibling, you are a leader. If you are an older cousin, you are a leader. Many people want to be the leader in a lot of opportunities. Many people want control. If you are an uncle, or an aunt, you are a leader. Having control is a great thing. Desiring growth in leadership and having space to grow in opportunities are great attributes to have and great positions to be in. It is God’s honor to promote you as a leader where He can entrust with His most delicate secrets. To obtain God’s trust is a major blessing.
Many people want to be the head of most interactions they have with others. Many people want to be the giver of information to where others are feeling empowered and full from the sowing of your time and efforts. Yet, leaders learn. Leaders follow. Leaders contribute. Leaders care for their team inside and outwardly. Leaders have understanding for their peers. Leaders are considerate to even the smallest feelings of others. You can be highly skilled yet lack the skills to manage people. You can be very knowledgeable, yet neglect the needs of others. A leader will correct and in the same breath they will empower and build people up. This blog sounds like a leadership summit or something lol.
The purpose of this is that all leaders must be accountable to even to the smallest of things when it pertains to others. Operating in shame will cause you mislead people. Walking in shame will have you walking around in a woe is me mentality. Shame is necessary for a short season when the feelings applies. Making wrong choices, saying the wrong words, fumbling an assignment. These things can cause you shame and as it rightfully should, it should not be the basis for your life. It is ok to miss a mark, it is not ok to live in iniquity where you’re causing others to walk in shame or you have not forgiven yourself for missing the mark.
Leaders are held in a higher regard. You ever wonder why full grown adults seem to lean into what they didn’t have as a child as an excuse for unhealthy interactions? It is because as I’ve said, as a parent, you are a leader and children desire try leadership. If you did not have mature leadership, you’ll have learn new ways and renewing of minds are possible to step up as a leader .Mature leaders are accountable. Are you a mature sister or brother? Are you a mature family member? Are you a mature spouse? Are you a mature member of an organization? Are you mature employee? Are you able to recognize and redirect your not so great traits and learn from your weaknesses?
It’s one thing to recognize an immature thought, response or action and it’s another to learn from them to do better and be better and stay consistent in that.
If you are going to address your areas of shame, hold yourself accountable to change and make better choices. If you realize you’ve mishandled a person, your words or attitude, stay consistent in the core value of your desires to change.
For example, If I tell my husband that I want to change my interactions with him and I realize the error of my ways with him, I have to hold myself accountable to keep my perspective in a humble space. Even when I disagree or feel my areas of inconsistency, I should not project the shame or inconsistencies I have to put on him because I’m too prideful to be wrong AGAIN!
Guess what.. you’re going to be wrong again and again and again and do not allow your uncontrolled inconsistencies to become a space of shame. You’ll continue to live your life in shame and guilt. You’ll continue to see your flaws and recognize your not so great actions…wayyyy after you’ve done so much damage. Some people will have every right to disconnect from you whether they give an explanation or not.
Knowing you’ll continue to be wrong again and again and again in multiple areas, it will be ok. Dust yourself off and keep trying to keep the vision of walking in accountability. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Know that your an imperfect being, being perfected by an invisible God who is perfect in ALL of His ways. Know that God knows what He is doing and He knows you from the very count of each single strand of hairs on your head. So what you think you are covering up or hiding, God sees and knows. He just wants you to see them, accept things and move forward. Shame is holding you back.
God is all knowing so that He can vindicate you and not shame you.
Hold yourself to a high standard because God holds you in high regard. You operate in the third heavenly realm. You’re above shame. You’re above guilt. You’re NOT above correction. Correction elevates. In order to see what’s needed to be corrected, you have to see where you keep refusing to search and that is in your heart.
Be hurt, feel your feelings, recognize right from wrong. Stand on the truth. Let it be temporary. Wipe your eyes. Dust our feet off. And stand 10 toes down on the principles of a matter and do not lean into your own understanding. Don’t lean into toxicity. Don’t lean into trying to prove yourself to anyone, just improve. While you improve, you’ll see areas where your creativity will flow to where you’ll improv and began to see exactly what you are made of and exactly what you’re worth.
Accountability is not to shame you. Accountability is allow yourself to account for ALL of you the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful that you posses. There’s more to you than your mistakes. Your community should recognize your amazing attributes just ask much as they can recognize your short comings and if you are not receiving that, you’re not in the right place.
No one should have joy in your pain and neither should you. Let hurt count you as human and let accountability account for your humanness. Change is inevitable. Change for the better and not for worse. When I say walking in accountability allows you to have a one up on the enemy. I mean, no one can shock you with the harsh realities of things you’ve already accepted within yourself.
You can accept things about yourself and in the same action come out of agreement with those things. People can make judgements all day but what affects you is what you agree to. Know who you are and know you’re worthy to come out of agreement with shame. You’re a leader and leaders are accountable. If you can’t lead yourself, you can’t lead anyone. Lead yourself into all truth. And accept those hard truths as something you have vision to do and be better in.
Shame and guilt are not of God
Accountability leads to repentance.
Repentance is changing directions in the opposite way of whatever way your actions, words or thoughts you have.
Hold on to accountability and stay humble.
Be a leader because that’s who God created you to be.
It’s going to hurt but you’re going to heal.