Saneesha F

 This blog post is to help you understand the benefit of having people in your corner, having people you know and making yourself available to others.  Most of my life was spent alone. Fending for myself, making my own choices, self absorbed and that was out of survival. I didn't have the view of life as the glass half full, I didn't have the view of life as a glass half empty also. I had a view of a life as a broken glass and the contents in that glass seeped down a cold walkway as people walked on the pieces and heard the glass shatter only to be focused on their desires of their destination.  My view on life was not healthy. I felt I was that glass. And I silently seeped through the cracks of the sidewalk I would soon evaporate only for no one to notice me. I was very quiet, kept and to myself. I didn't have a voice. I didn't believe anyone cared for what I did acknowledge. I was looked over and the only acknowledgement there was when there was a task to be done that

 You never know how a prescence of something or someone can be such a support. When that presence is removed, you lose yourself for a moment. You begin to be someone else. You become weak. You feel lost. You just dont know... don't know anything, don't know anyone, you don't know yourself at times. Misunderstandings become law. Help becomes a disability. Hugs feel like betrayal. The words, "I love you" feels as if is not reality. Gossip and slander are the norm. Toxicity is clear. Anger seems as if it is the way. Trauma bonding is at an all time high. Disconnect lies at hand. Hurt rules the day while tears grow in the night. Fingers and toes are fueled by tingling anxiety. Support is distant. The person or thing that lent support, that helped you when you were down, that showed you love, that was a safe haven is now gone. A hole lays in your heart and every blow that is aimed at it seems to hurt immensely. Your heart feels withered. Your body aches. Your appetite

 Focusing on yourself is a full time job because you hold many areas of life. You are someone's daughter or son. You are someone's auntie or uncle. You are someone's employee. You are someone's CEO or Executive Director. You are someone's fiance. You are (possibly) someone's girl friend or boy friend or wife or husband. You are (possibly) someone's mother or father. You are (possibly) someone's roommate. You are possibly someones friend. You are possibly a leader in different areas and hold responsibility for a business or organization. There are so many roles you have responsibility for and that does not include who you are to yourself.  In these roles you have responsibilities and priorities. Putting people's needs before your own is apart of life, yet your main focus of needing yourself will be your demise or it will help you.  The main goal in life should be to serve (love) others and God. But if you are not in the proper mindset to do so, things

 I chose to accept Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior around the age of 20. I knew about God and I liked churched as a child and attended a couple services a year throughout my upbringing. My family taught me things about God and some of those words stuck with me, but my own desires were a priority for a long period of time in my life. It wasn't until I turned 20 moved to Sacramento to live with and take care of my mom who became disabled and begin to seek Christ more.  I had a promiscuous past, dated and "hooked up" with men. God used a weakness of mine to actually provide me with great strength. He used a guy to share the knowledge of God with me. This guy I thought I would marry would soon exit my life 8 months later to marry someone else. God had him do what was needed to be done and removed him. What was needed to be done was me actually recognizing and getting to know God for myself. I needed to know God not from the point of what my family said to me, not

 This last year has been such a huge transformation for many people. Some people lost friends, family and aquaintences that were affected by a huge world wide pandemic. People's lives changed before their eyes. With a pandemic, that did not stop everyone's day to day issues and needs. Before the pandemic, people still needed more. During the pandemic, the things that people needed before seemed to be heightened. I believe that everyone who needed support in any area, anyone who may have needed finances for many things, anyone who needed community, anyone who had needs seemed to need those things even the more. While people fought a pandemic, people still were fighting to mend broken relationships. While many people were fighting to stay healthy to prevent harm from the pandemic, many people were still battling to develop forgiveness from other people trespassing against them. While many were sanitizing their hands and surfacing to prevent the spread of a virus, many people were

Life has a way of showing how much we are not in control. We are human beings, flawed and imperfect. We make mistakes often. We judge too harshly and we judge too quickly. Sometimes, we judge too late. Due to our imperfections and shortcomings, we are going to hurt others. Based on your level of healing and maturity, you will hurt others either intentionally or unintentionally.  Unintentionally hurting others is apart of life.  That doesn't mean you are NOT healed or in your process. You just may have said something innocently and wind up triggering someone.  Most unintentional pain happens even when you are healing. It comes from the words you use that are not so much focused on a particular person or the actions you take from a pure and/or protective place.  That place may be for justice and righteousness, or even just for enjoyment and laughter.  Intentional hurting of others is words, expression or action im which your focus is on the person you are acting towards or talking to