Community Is A Necessity

 This blog post is to help you understand the benefit of having people in your corner, having people you know and making yourself available to others. 

Most of my life was spent alone. Fending for myself, making my own choices, self absorbed and that was out of survival. I didn't have the view of life as the glass half full, I didn't have the view of life as a glass half empty also. I had a view of a life as a broken glass and the contents in that glass seeped down a cold walkway as people walked on the pieces and heard the glass shatter only to be focused on their desires of their destination. 

My view on life was not healthy. I felt I was that glass. And I silently seeped through the cracks of the sidewalk I would soon evaporate only for no one to notice me. I was very quiet, kept and to myself. I didn't have a voice. I didn't believe anyone cared for what I did acknowledge. I was looked over and the only acknowledgement there was when there was a task to be done that I could help with. 

I was raised with the mindset of being alone and handling things on my own, was the only way for me. I would go to elders to only get shut down or pushed away. I didn't have much wisdom to glean from. I gained skills and those skills were to sneak, lie and I guess a really great one was cleaning lol. But with cleaning, it became a crutch to deal with my internal issues. 

Getting close to people always ended with me rejecting others even in the most subtle ways. I didn't fully treat people bad, but internally I would build a wall up on my heart and become cold at times. I didn't agree to letting people see my weaknesses. 

The rejection stemmed from the rejection I obtained from my birth parents. I thank God I was able to spend the last years of my mother's life restoring our relationship and having the opportunity to do that brought much healing in my life. From the moment I was born my mother wanted to get an abortion. Their are scientific studies that even unborn children can feel the stain of rejection and other emotions from their parents. I did not grow up with my father in the home and I was not welcomed by him physically at birth. 

I believe it was instilled in me that I wouldn't be accepted by others. This allowed me to be loyal to the wrong people out of fear of rejection and also cutting people off emotionally because I was afraid to connect. Hugging and kissing in a healthy and comforting way was not normal for me. While I can tell it was good the only way I could allow it was by someone I wanted to date. 

My mother had a lot of healing that was needed as well so she projected a lot of her past pain on me and my siblings growing up. My father as well, yet it was more of his absence that affected me. My mother wasn't as present at times as well due to working 3 jobs and she didn't have the best priorities when it came to parenthood. A lot of my childhood experiences were me having to learn and do things on my own. 

The expectations people had of me were not met. Many expected me to open up. Many expected me to be affectionate. Many expected me to speak up. Many expected me to be outgoing at the times where life was enjoyable. I became numb to things. After a while, it just became apart of me. 

My comfort zone is in solitude. 

In 2017, God led me to a journey of wholeness. It is 2022, and while I am yet still not whole, the foundation of the process to and during my healing journey is set and stone. God took me and began to work on my heart. It started with forgiving every person I could think that trespassed against me in any way, whether I was too young to realize it was wrong or I was very aware of the behavior and wrongdoing towards me. I began to look into my family history and presently and look into the things that went against God's Word and His Will for my life. I began renewing my mind by learning and equipping myself to fight against the dark parts of my heart. I watched videos on love and connection, business, spiritual warfare and much more. 

My heart became tender. It became aware of me. I began  to heal and be able to see people. I began to hurt for people outside of myself. I became less selfish. I began to realize I needed community and I actually wanted it. 

Community is so necessary. If you close off to everyone you meet or do not trust genuine people, you really began to see how far off you truly are in life. When important things happen in life and you realize you don't have much support or community, you began to blame others and get angry with them. You feel the sting of rejection setting in deeper forcing you to feel unloved and unaccepted. 

Yet the reality is that their is un-dealt with trauma that was not your fault but found it's way to your doorstep and entered your heart. So you go around stating you don't need anybody and in reality you yearn for a tribe of people who love and support you. The pain just won't let you get close. Your trust is broken. Your pain is too much. So instead, you cut people out. 

True Community supports without complaining.

True Community honors and doesn't disrespect. 

True Community pours into you without expectations. 

True Community helps when they can. 

True Community prays for you with no ill will. 

True Community loves you and is consistent. 

True Community lends a listening ear and makes room for your concerns. 

True Community lends without grudges. 

True Community accepts you where you are. 

True Community is amazing and necessary. 

When was the last time you actually wrote out the the type of people you want in your life? 

Take some time and write out what you want in your 

Spouse 

Kids

Friends

Siblings

Church

Boss

Coworkers

Business partners 

Parent

Family 

These are your community. 

And what you want out of your community, make sure you can reciprocate that back. 

You will always get what you put out so be careful how you treat people. 

There are two main factors in having a positive community. 

🌻 How you treat people.

🌻Your outlook on your life 

You need to heal. 

Check out my blog post, "How Do I Heal". You can find it at this exact website. (hurt2healed.org)

I pray an amazing, unwavering and loving community for you.