Loss (Feelings)

 You never know how a prescence of something or someone can be such a support. When that presence is removed, you lose yourself for a moment. You begin to be someone else. You become weak. You feel lost. You just dont know... don't know anything, don't know anyone, you don't know yourself at times. Misunderstandings become law. Help becomes a disability. Hugs feel like betrayal. The words, "I love you" feels as if is not reality. Gossip and slander are the norm. Toxicity is clear. Anger seems as if it is the way. Trauma bonding is at an all time high. Disconnect lies at hand. Hurt rules the day while tears grow in the night. Fingers and toes are fueled by tingling anxiety. Support is distant. The person or thing that lent support, that helped you when you were down, that showed you love, that was a safe haven is now gone. A hole lays in your heart and every blow that is aimed at it seems to hurt immensely. Your heart feels withered. Your body aches. Your appetite depleats. Substances temporarily give you a form of happiness. Addiction takes place in addition to fear. Anger becomes more kin than family. You're fragile. Communication and information becomes misconstrued. You need to be handled w care, but your thrown to the wolves. You second guess your every move. Trust is shaky. You don't know who is really for you or against you. You think it is going to help your family ties, but instead it gets worse. You'd think it would make people cling to each other and understand life is short, yet it raises disruptive behavior. Focus is draining. Needs aren't met. You feel hindered, broken and moved. Others abuse your pain. Expectations are lost hope. Grief and the blows that comes with it is beyond difficult, there are no words to describe it. 

Loss is 

🌻 A Loved One or Animal - This can be permanently or temporarily. (This can be your mother, your father, your sister, your brother, your cousin, your auntie, your uncle, your significant other, your wife or husband, your friend, your church family, your dog, cat or favorite pet).

- Your kids go off to college.

- Someone passes away.

- Someone moves away.

- Someone gets hospitalized or suffers sever transforming medical conditions.

🌻 A Car or Means of Transportation (Having to rely on public transportation or asking others to help you get around after you have experienced the independence to get around is disheartening. Desiring a vehicle because of the misfortune of relying on others, is frustrating also.)

🌻 A House or Apartment ( Down grading a home has it shares of grief)

🌻 A Body Part (Having any body part removed whether medically, forcefully or accidentally will make you miss that part when it was available. Or you also wish you had it at birth when you see others). 

🌻 Singleness (you can get married or have a child which makes you miss your alone time).

🌻Divorce (Losing someone who is still alive and having to go through legal counsel to detach physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally is a disheartening process. It's 2021, divorce rates are high, and sometimes it is what is needed). 

🌻 Your Phone ( This may seem shallow, but all your contacts, the jobs you apply to, the photos, the notes and personal things are inside this form od technology. Losing it is alot).

🌻Your Wallet or Important Documents (Having to pay and scramble around to regain this type of loss is extremely stressful. It feels like a major set back and it is). 

🌻 Shelter ( Not having the safety of shelter causes you to be in survivor mode. Shelter is a need and homelessness affects many peoppe the hardest especially when you know how it feels to have it). 

🌻A Job (When you have bills and needs it brings so much grief when you can't take care of those things).

 • So many areas of loss can make you feel like a lost cause. Some people are affected by loss of multiple things at once. In a time of loss, it is normal to feel. It is healthy to feel. Feelings mean you are human. Even though you feel, keep going to replace the things that are replaceable and honor the people you lose. Honor the people you lose by accomplishing success and making sure that you ( your mental health, your responsibilities, your wealth, your physical being and wholeness) are a priority. Go all in, dont give up yet give yourself time to feel. ❤️ Take a break and breathe. 

These feelings are hypersensitive and if you allow it to stay hypersensitive by not addressing them, they will show up decades later in other areas and become detrimental to yourself, relationships and your surroundings. There is no cure to grief, yet time and releasing those feelings has it's share in your healing process. 

Surround yourself with people you know who can support you and distance yourself from those that may trigger you. You have to do what's best for your mental health.

To honor my mother Sanya Bivens, who passed away 09/06/2021, I will accomplish success with the dreams and goals I've shared with her. To create a blog post is apart of me pushing for greater. Right now, there are still people hoping I'd quit, but I won't. I am having my moments, yet failure is not an option. 

I second guess my own abilities, I question the motives of others, I am unsure about my future, but I know what I desire and that is the focus. Placing what I desire holistically in the hands of God by prayer and writing down my agreement with Him, is what faith is all about. Doing the work to acquire my desires, is what I have to choose everyday. 

I want a beautiful family. 

I want finances to where my family is stable and money/debt is not an issue.

I want a successful business. 

I want what God has for me. 

Have you lost anyone or anything? What goals do you have? Let's work together to make sure we both accomplish healing and growth in this process of any form of loss. Comment below or message me in an email saneeshaf@gmail.com.

Moving forward while taking an L is hard, but it is not possible and does not take away from the feelings and memories of what or who you honor.