Don't Neglect Yourself Focusing On Other People
Focusing on yourself is a full time job because you hold many areas of life. You are someone's daughter or son. You are someone's auntie or uncle. You are someone's employee. You are someone's CEO or Executive Director. You are someone's fiance. You are (possibly) someone's girl friend or boy friend or wife or husband. You are (possibly) someone's mother or father. You are (possibly) someone's roommate. You are possibly someones friend. You are possibly a leader in different areas and hold responsibility for a business or organization. There are so many roles you have responsibility for and that does not include who you are to yourself.
In these roles you have responsibilities and priorities. Putting people's needs before your own is apart of life, yet your main focus of needing yourself will be your demise or it will help you.
The main goal in life should be to serve (love) others and God. But if you are not in the proper mindset to do so, things will collapse. You will push people away who are set up to change your life. You will over extend to people you need to give space to. You will envy others and only recognize your failures. Your focus will be in other people's lives and shortcomings that you won't ever get the opportunity to work on yourself.
Learning how to serve others in different aspects will help you show up to the world in a better without neglecting your needs. I have created some lists that can help you serve other people and I also will include a list on how to not neglect you.
You can serve others by
1🌻 Getting your friends and family to take the Love Language test and serving them to where it fits their love language.
If someone's #1 love language is Acts if Service (which is mines personally), clean up their home for them.
If someone's love language is physical touch, give them a hug once in a while or a high five.
If someone's love language is words of affirmation, let them know that they are doing well and they are needed.
2🌻 Listen to understand and not listen to respond - even when it hurts or you don't agree.
If you do respond it is to make sure you are understanding that person correctly. ***This may not be the perfect turn out, but you know your heart is in the right place. ***
3🌻Do more than what is asked of you.
If someone asks you to get something from the store for them whether they pay or not, get a more.
Someone may ask you to get them a ginger ale from the store because their stomach hurts, get them some medicine for tummy aches as will. (Only if you can afford it).
If you are in your job and you have a task, do it to the best your ability. Do more of possible by helping out your clients or customers.
4🌻Offer your time and energy to something that is expressed as important to someone else.
If your family is having a family reunion, offer what you can do to help. Whether that sending out emails or helping with meetings.
Do things even when you don't get recognition.
5🌻 Don't assume something is necessary for someone, ask others what is necessary for them.
If you like chocolate, it does not mean someone else will. Don't assume someone likes a certain things and does things certain way just because you do.
6🌻Accept what is necessary and important to other people.
Do not force your views, opinions, conclusion or beliefs on others. Accept that people are different and allow it to be okay.
If someone says a certain thing isn't important or needed in their lives, accept it and do not force what you think, believe, feel is best for them.
7🌻 Keep integrity when someone opens up to you.
If someone shares a personal weakness or an issue in their life, keep that between you, that person and God. Pray for them, don't talk about them.
8🌻 Genuine be happy for what others have that you may not have but you desire.
If someone has a life partner or own a home, or has a nice car, be happy for them. If you find jealousy arising or envy, cast it out of you by confessing that jealousy will not be your portion and state that person's name and earnestly pray for them to receive more.
If the things above make no sense, they irritate you, and you have drawn a conclusion that it is not for you, then servitude is something you have not grown in. It is something that needs to happen for you.
The bible states that you reap what you sow and alot of what we go through is based on how we have treated people. If you can serve you husband or your wife, then your marriage is going to be full of strife and can even lead to infedelity or divorce.
If you can't serve on your job, how do you expect a promotion?
If you can't serve your friends, your friendships will be surface level and have no roots to stand against hard times.
If you can't serve your children, how do you expect them to know what servitude feels and looks like. They will be raised feeling as if their lives don't matter or they unimportant and develop unnecessary mother or father wounds.
All relationships take effort and a level of servitude. Every aspect of our lives pulls energy from us and it is hard to put so much focus on everyone. That is why their is needed for balance. You can not be everything to everyone because that soon leads to neglecting to yourself. You need you. Which is why I will share below some tips on how to take care of you.
🌻 Focus on the internal as much as you focus on the external. If you are not focused much on the external, that's is ok, but never neglect your internal body.
This is not about what you eat as far as foods.
This is about what needs to be expelled out of you. In order to have a healthy soul it is more than just soaking in a bath full of herbs. You need to detoxify the words that you've spoken over yourself, the words that have been spoken to you and the drama that has entered your soul.
Many people have been said such negative things to them that they believe the lies of others. Some people have teachers that completely told them that they were going to be a dropout or a failure. Some parents have told them that they won't grow up to be anything. Some have had friends have rejected them and turned their back on them. Some have you even had parents do the same. These words and actions have become your belief system within yourself. Even if your life does not reflect what someone has spoken over your life or the damage you have caused to you internally you still believe what they've told you and it causes you to not push above the limits and expectations you have for yourself.
These words that have been spoken over you, the trauma that has happened to you and the words that you spoke about yourself through your own belief system needs to be expelled out by speaking against the things that people have said about you or the things that have happened to you.
This is where the power of prayer Will manifest in your life. This is where you begin to see miracles within yourself the moment you begin to speak against the things that have happened to you or have been said about you. The power of prayer will show you how you can not be moved by the negative things that have taken place in your life and you can move forward believing that you are everything that the Bible says you are.
The Bible talks about so many things when it comes to being a child of God. The Bible states that you are more than a conqueror. The Bible states that you are the head and not the tail. The Bible states that you are a lender and not a borrower. The Bible says that you are a royal priesthood.
These things are hard to accept and believe when you have not dealt with the internal issues of life. That's why I put it as number one for an area that you need to help yourself in to not neglect yourself.
You cannot tell me after eating a salad and an apple that you do not have this crazy amount of energy and you feel so good about yourself.
This is an area that I am consistently working on and I consistently fell in LOL.
Even eating healthier allows you to think more clearer and it wards off negative thoughts as well. I've never felt my best when I've decided to eat a clean meal throughout the day I feel like a brand new person.
3🌻Go to therapy, educational classes and/or counseling.
Another way of repelling a lot of negative things that have happened to you is by talking about your issues and becoming real with your circumstances. The depth of our heart and soul holds so much that it eventually will spill over. You ever wonder why the smallest circumstances may make you cry? Or how you see someone who is doing well one minute and then they're just absolutely distraught or angry in a very aggressive way? It is because they're not taking time for themselves to be human and feel their pain and also express it. When we express our pain we actually are able to accept it and move forward, but the more we bottle it down and reject it it just lays dormant within us.
Educational classes, therapy, counseling and any form of self-help resource is an amazing thing to go through. It also gives you the time to allow other people to help you because in this life we can't do anything alone. And when you have a professional who has studied and mastered certain areas of life within humans they can see deeper than what we can see. We have our own conclusions to certain things that might be a bit extreme or unnecessary and we need someone to help us navigate through those feelings.
4🌻Go somewhere alone
Get out the house and go to a lake, park, movie or sit in the grass get your favorite book and just take some time out for you. You can read the Bible you can read a novel you can write you can just breathe go somewhere and scream you need to take some time out for yourself and enjoy yourself.
5🌻 Go out with your friends, family, coworkers, business partner or your life partner.
Sometimes you need to get around community. A lot of the times you isolate yourself and you don't want to be bothered with people but that is not the will of God. God wants us to fellowship but do it when you feel it is needed not when you're overextending yourself.
Getting out with your life partner will help build intimacy.
🌻6 Do something spontaneous and different.
When you do things you never done before, it helps you step out your comfort zone and also go above the limits you set for yourself.
Your friends or your lover might want you to do something that you never done before. Maybe you may require you getting on a plane or it might be something you're not even interested in but it doesn't bother you to do it. Try something new you might actually find out that you do like it. You'll never know what you do or don't like unless you actually try it.
I genuinely believe that God made us creatures of habit but on the flip side creatures that love new experiences. When we go on vacation and we see a site that we have never seen before it is the most exhilarating passionate feeling that we can feel. I guarantee if we lived in that area it will become normal and it wouldn't be as passionate anymore, but since it is so new and beautiful it just feels our heart with so much joy. I genuinely feel like we will be like that in heaven the majority of the time that nothing will get old everything will always feel new because that's just who God is. But for now since we are here on Earth and we cannot leave this place LOL, we have to figure out how this can be a better experience for us and others. So find out if you actually like something and if you genuinely don't it is okay at least you got to experience it.
🌻7 Try a new type of food
Tasting something new could possibly go wrong but it can also possibly be just right. It is something to think about doing and it is also really great to have a new experience just as I've stated above.
🌻8 Find your purpose
Finding your purpose is one of the most necessary things we need to discover here on Earth. I believe every human being was created for a specific thing. There are some people on Earth who will have the same type of purpose possibly in the same category, but no one will executed exactly the same. It is necessary for people to not executed exactly the same due to different people's personalities and how we can serve others. Other people made out except a certain way something is done that I do, but they might accept it from someone else who executed in a different way that resonates with that person. That is what should be, but everyone should be seeking or operating in their purpose.
I believe a lot of people are in the wrong areas of life. Some people might need to be politicians who are in schools teaching. There may be people who are cashiers that might be business owners. Some people have yet to find it and are actually working on that purpose and it will take time, while there's others that are operating and succeeding and thriving in their purpose and then there's those that don't even take the time out for themselves too figure out what exactly they were created to do.
Many people are distracted by the weight of the world and the responsibilities that they have. Prioritizing your time to focus on your purpose it's not only just to serve others but it is the most fulfilling thing in the world because that is when you become identified and it gives you so much clarity on the next steps to take in life so that you don't waste it on unnecessary things that are not for you. Everyone wants clarity, everyone wants stability, everyone wants purpose because people are valuable, you are valuable. If you would like more help on understanding the path of discovering your purpose, you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
9🌻Work on your household needs.
9A 🌻 Create a budget.
1. Write out each bill you have
2. Write out how much each bill is.
3. Write out each date the bill is due. (Do this for rent, groceries and household items and needs as well. [Get to the bottom of it, to tissue, cleaning supplies, your body care etc.] Don't forget utilities and if you have a savings and donations goal, include that as well.)
4. Categorize your information above with the days you are paid on your job or business.
5. When you get paid write out your budget with the exact money you have in your account and see how much you have left over. Save what you have if any. You can save for a vacation or trip.
6. Do #5 every month or every pay period.
7. Review #1 and #2 periodically just in case you have other expenses you need to add or take away from your budget.
🌻9B - Create a weekly menu
1. Check what ingredients you have in your fridge, cupboards, and cabinets.
2. Set your mind to shop every week.
3. Decide what meals you want to make or eat. (this can be a fun activity if you live with family or your spouse.)
Plan for leftovers to save you time cooking.
4. Create a list of needed groceries
5. Inform the household that specific things are for specific meals. (You know how family can be, you buy a certain item come back from work and it's gone and now you want to cry because the world feels like it's over LOL.)
5. Enjoy dinner with family at a table or around each other. Create a habit of it and use that time for bonding.
We all have duties and responsibilities, but preparation, communication and execution is what's going to help with our everyday lives. We have to be intentional about everything and when I say intentional it doesn't have to be intense you actually are making things easier the more you plan execute and talk with those around you.
Have some of your cohabitants work on keeping the house clean.
🌻9C - clean the house at least 2 to 3 times a week.
When you declutter around you it does help mentally. If you stay in a consistent space of clutter and disorganization it disrupts a lot of your other ways. For me personally, if I'm in a room that is cluttered my mind is cluttered everything around me feels like it's just caving in on me. Sometimes, when I was in my depressive states, I would keep it that way because that was my level of comfort. It sounds really strange but there are things you have to do in order to grow into an adult and become more self-sufficient. So there were times where I snap out of my depression and I would begin to tackle my room and the rest of the house.
If you live with others, clean up after yourself. Wash your own dishes you use. Take out the garbage in the house. Do a deep clean here and there. This is all for the betterment of you you may feel like oh this is a servitude moment but in reality it is cleaning up behind you so you're not helping anyone else out your actually helping yourself. This can go for spouses, brothers and sisters, friends, anybody in general.
I have always been invited to somebody's house and I've always been someone that people want to live with and it is because I genuinely clean up behind myself and at times I clean up after others given that it is my space where I live as well. If you genuinely want to attract a mate or even new friends, cleanliness is not the end all of a relationship but it does give you a lot of bonus points I promise you. It genuinely helps in many areas try it for about 2 to 3 weeks and see how things change around you.
10🌻 Work on feminine / masculine communication.
Masculine communication will actually bring out feminine communication when you're dealing with a male versus female conversation. Masculine is not yelling and threatening and being aggressive but it is very firm and straight to the point.
For my moment of embarrassment in this blog I will share a personal experience. In the relationship that I am in now I was going through a really tough time I wanted to mask some of my feelings, so I addressed my partner in a rude way. I was playing yet serious and I needed him to move out of the way so I told him to move and I did it in a snappy attitude. Instead of him meeting me where I was in my immaturity, he looked at me and told me, " You will not talk to me that way. " His response was straight to the point and very firm and I responded with the words, " excuse me." I developed a deeper respect for him in that moment.
Us as women have a masculine approach to things and the majority of our conversation should be feminine especially when we're dealing with the people that are closest to us. Feminine communication is not just a soft tone and very passive. It does create a soft tone but it is from a place of how you feel instead of a place of damaging someone's character because you're angry. Feminine communication will keep so many people around and in your circle especially those you know deep down that you do not want to lose. Too much masculine communication from a woman will chase every single person around you away because it is highly unattractive and it is not in your nature as a woman to communicate with people that way. When I say that there is a level of masculine communication from a woman that needs to be displayed it is based on the leadership role that we have in a certain area. There are times where we need to be very firm and straight to the point. And you do not have to be that way with the people closest to you unless it is a corrective moment in those people that are closest to you are your children.
You cannot talk to an adult as if they are a child regardless if they are 18 years old. We have to treat people with the same level of communication that we want to receive. If someone is yelling at me, nagging or complaining about something subliminally I will not address situations that might need to be handled because it leads to offense. Learning feminine communication is a full-time job especially when it comes to women who have been single or have not had the proper masculine examples in our lives to show us how men communicate versus women. And that goes for men as well. A woman will not be feminine if a man is overly aggressive, we honestly become afraid or we feel we need to fight.
With all of this being put out there, feminine communication is something that help us in the long run to get what we desire without having to manipulate someone or be afraid to express ourselves.
11🌻 Build your faith
With you doing the things above, your faith will increase because you will begin to see the fruit of you living yourself and serving others. You begin to see how others will serve you and go above and beyond to do so.
You will start to see the desires you have come to life.
You'll attract amazing friends
You'll attract major opportunities
You'll attract a commuted life partner that will serve you
You'll attract so much that you have been praying for.
In this area, grow in your faith by attending church, reading your Bible, learning to be more skilled in prayer.
In all these areas of self growth, you are simultaneously serving yourself and others.
When you can present a better you to the world, the world will present better to you as well.
I hope this blesses you as much as it blesses me to pour into you.
In the past 4 years I have been working on all of these areas to become a better person. I know that I deserve people to serve me just as much as I serve others. I am still working project and it is a lifetime project to get better and better and as I live I get to see things grow and change through hardships and my own intentional lifestyle. Is a blessing and I genuinely want it to be a blessing for you. My life has changed over the years due to my diligence of taking care of me first.