How do I heal???

Before we dive deep into how to heal, I want to explain some things about healing. Healing takes time. Use your time wisely.  The world we live in is driven off instant results and working less to have better results. Healing is not as this. It is not a one a done thing. You have drive thru restaurants that give us fast food. You can get a full course meal in less than 4 minutes. You can pop a TV dinner in the microwave in less then 2 or 3 minutes to have dinner. There's a lot of things in this life we can have with little to no effort and very short timing to receive it. Think about it, you don't have to wait for next week to see a new episode of our some of your favorite tv shows. It's a lot we don't have to wait for. Society has created a ways for our mindsets, and with that mentality, it causes us to think that most of our situations situation can be this way. I believe as humans, one of the hardest things we all deal with us patience. You must jump start our healing process, but you have no control in the timing of when you will be healed. You have control of your cooperation in the process. What you choose to do from this point on will determine the length of your healing process. 

Make sure to get you a journal.

Let's take a deeper look into how not healing looks...

...You may have had an absent parent, she/he's been around but haven't been around enough. That causes you to feel out of place, rejected, abandoned, angry, hatred, unforgiving, depressed and other many other things. Over the years as a child these issues within, will grow. You harbor these issues in your heart even as an adult and now you just come to the conclusion that this is just who you are. You never focus on it so in reality, it has become your identity. There's times where you are just living your best life. You're up and thriving. You attract the "right"women/men you genuinely feel are for you. You feel good about your hair and wardrobe. You have extra spending money. Your kid(s) (if any) are taken care of. You just feel consistent good days. School is going great. You're enjoying life.

With the "right" opportunity (that could be person or a situation) the damage of your past will rise up. You attach to someone who seems like the perfect match for your life (this could be a friend or much more than that). You hit it off, but then things begin to change. You began to see this persons true colors and you realize this person is very toxic. It is unexpected and that is painful. You just wanted someone good. You fell in love with who you thought this friend or more was  You get to the point where:

You consistently go through these cycles. Meeting person after person and this friend becomes a foe. You don't trust anyone. It's hard for you to truly love anyone. You feel everyone you get close to, will leave or hurt you. Or you attract women/ men that are no good for you. You never had the proper example of how to go about and have a true relationship because the first chance you had with the person who created you, has failed you. So then every relationship that began in your life ended in failure throughout your teen years and to adulthood. To understand this it takes self reflection and consistency.

You could have been hurt by a close friend, your mother, or father or even a stranger who took advantage of you or has hurt in some type of way. The hurt of others weigh on your heart. You have a hard time connecting with others emotionally or even verbally. You have a hard time apologizing or communicating with others. You feel like there's this feeling of anger, frustrations, bitterness or wrath just sitting on your shoulder and without you ever acknowledging it, it just sits there. Some things will lay dormant in you and it shows up when you least expect it. 

It may happen when someone is genuinely trying love you. It may happen when you meet the man/woman God has for you. It may happen when you are trying to build a team and you have dedicated team members, but your trust in them is so low because of all the damages you've experienced.  

It seems hurt is very consistent. It doesn't matter, hurt is always present. We live in a fallen world that is only lifted by God. God is more powerful than the hurt the we experience. Yet and still as consistent as hurt is, we have to be consistent about our healing. 

Everything good thing in life requires you to be consistent. We get our hearts broken over and over and over again but we are consistent in finding the right one for us. We are hopeful that sooner or later someone is going to cross our path at the right time and place. We get consistent in building up our outer man. We never focus on the inner. Because of that we will entertain damaged people because that's at the place we are. 

We consistently change something from or outer, hoping this will change the inner outcome of our situation.
Buy a new car
Buy a house
Change our apartments
Buy new clothes
Try different make up
Get another job
Get a job lol
Wear tighter more revealing close
Cut off all our hair
Buy new hair
Have sex with this person
Buy this person material things
Dumb down who are
Become more vocal
Until....we just crash.

To get healed, it's going to take you to be still. You have to sit and be still with God. 

  • Begin to write in your journal. Begin to think back on all areas of hurt you have experienced. Write them out. Write the name of the person who has hurt you an any type of way. You have to be vulnerable with God and yourself. You are going to have to identify the root cause of your behaviors. It was not your fault that your parent wasn't around or did not do right by you. Yet and still, your healing is your responsibility.

When you begin to truly look into your life, You're going to reach a point where all you have is questions.
Why do I keep attracting toxic people in my life? Why do people seem to use me? Why do people treat me unfairly? Why are people insensitive to my needs? So many questions that are in need of answers.

Questions are beautiful. Develop more questions. More questions = More Answers.
  • Write out the questions you have.
Once you begin to look into areas of hurt and the people who caused it. You must target forgiveness. God does not tell us to forgive, just for the sake of being nice or making yourself look better. God tells us to forgive because their are many people with many issues in their heart that were manifested by other damaged people or horrible situations. It will be a never ending cycle, if you don't forgive. Forgiveness is the ultimate form of healing. It's the ultimate breaker of generational curses. It's where cycle ends. It's where you become FREE!!

Hurt is a cycle. Hurt people hurt people. One person is hurt, so they project their pain on to others and it keeps happening that way. When you forgive the hurt starts it path to healing. 

Your child(ren) will develop the same traits you have if not it will be deeper issues, if you do not put an end to them now. As above your absent parent was too damaged by another absent or even dysfunctional parent. Your parent may not have received healing or they may not have been consistent in their healing or they were and even are right now in their process of healing. That's how you see a difference in who they were when you were younger than how they are now.  Your absent, dysfunctional or upsetting parent to is a human being worthy of forgiveness. They are imperfect, they haven't made the best choices and they deserve grace and even if you feel it is unfair, it is what is right. God died for them just as much as He died for you. If they are not healed and they are the same person they were to you all of your life or even worse, it's going to be okay. Get healed to make sure you don't end up continuing the cycle.

God didn't create robots and everyone has a free will and a lot of people take free will and use it to its disadvantage. People hurt others voluntarily and involuntarily. We have to forgive in order to move on in our lives and get the healing we need to become whole and complete human beings.

You may have had a proper example of love from parents but you know there's some things you still are unhappy with in your life. You may be full of anger, worry, anxiety or even fear.

There's many reasons why we do the things we do and why we have certain responses to certain circumstances.
Why do you keep having sex with more and more people? It could possibly be that you want love and affection but you think sex is going to give that to you. Why? Because you didn't get the proper love and affection at home growing up.

Why do you feel the urge and necessity to eat, drink or smoke?
It could possibly be every time you think of what a person did to you in the past or even what you did to someone, or things and situations that caused you pain, you don't want to face it so you'd rather not have to deal with reality. 

There's so many things that you can possibly need healing from and I am here to help you with this blog. This isn't to discourage you.
This is to inform and encourage you to get healed.
It isn't a race. It's a lifestyle you're building.

It may be a whole two pages of things you may write about what you need healing for. And that doesn't mean that it's going to take longer. If you cooperate, yield to the Holy Spirit, stay intentional and don't allow anyone or thing to come between your healing. It will happen extremely faster than you think. 

You'll begin to see a huge difference in friendships,  finances, life goals and much more as soon as for come into agreement with the Holy Spirit. You don't have to be 100% perfect for God to use you or bless you. You just have to be willing to experience life with Him. Once you gain the experience, you become qualified to go out and let God increase you and use you in the areas that you already love to do. That's a win win situation.

So here's what you do..
Get A Journal and Ask God to reveal to you every area of your heart that you need healing in. Ask God to show you the root cause of the issue.

Know that God wants you in a healed state of mind, a healed physical body and have a healed heart

Tell God to let His will be done.
You have to made a new creation.

When He begins to show you, He'll show you slowly and FYI lol He's not angry with you. He just loves you enough to be real with you.

1) You have to be vulnerable
Don't sit on your healing.

If you are having an issue/problem say it and be honest!
For example:
God, I am having a hard time forgiving... and state the full name or what you identify with the person you have unforgiveness towards them.

If it deals with an issue that has to do with you alone, still be honest. Talk to God as you would to talk a friend and vent.

2) Be Specific

You have to be specific and include all details you can think of about the situation. This means being honest.
For example:
God, I hung up in my parent's face or walked away from her/him while they were talking to me because I felt she/he was never there for me, so why would I be there for her/him?... I feel angry, I need help.

Why? Because you're actually helping yourself come to terms with who you've been portraying.

God may just talk back to you right then and there and you will be on your way to your healing. Remember God knows what best and He knows us best so if He doesn't answer. Trust me, He heard you and He will a speak the best way He knows you will hear Him.  You will only begin walking in your healing if you accept what God has to say. God will always tell you what you need to hear not always what you think you should. He may use the television show you always watch, or a song or a friend, maybe even a counselor, God is the ultimate creator so He's very creative in how He deals with us. Remember seek out the root cause of the issue.
Only when you accept and agree and move forward with what God tells you, you can move forward in life towards that situation. IF you dont hear Him right away that's ok. Youre still making moves towards your healing. IF, you choose not to listen to God  WHEN He speaks, healing won't happen for you and you cant move on to what's next.

If you feel confused, that's normal. You are NOT confused. You're trying the unfamiliar. Keep pressing on.

What's next?,
3) You have to speak against every negative issue. You're having a hard time forgiving??? Speak against unforgiveness in your heart and release forgiveness. Use scriptures of forgiveness to back up what you are saying.

You're having a hard time trusting people? Do the same.

You're having anxiety attacks? Do the same

Speak against the areas you know. And don't forget to ask God to reveal any areas of your heart that need healing.

What I did was write down every area of my life I felt and knew that I had a tough time dealing with in a journal. I dealt with many things. And dealt with those issues with people. I had felt hurt by many people. I hurt myself often in the past. I was very damaged because the choices I made over and over again. I wrote down the negative issues and people and spoke positivity and the Word of God over them and my life. Google will be your best friend in this part of healing. Use Google and type in the issue(s) you have or are dealing with and how to find a scripture to match. Use and allow it to guide you. Read this often. Read this over and over until you can walk on your own.

You will see growth. You will get healed and you will get passed every hurt and pain that has had you stuck in life.

Remember it's like a relationship. Feed your healing don't starve it by not acknowledging it. Take some time to rest and reflect always. It doesn't have to be rushed. For me, I went at with all I had because I was fed up satan and his tactics. I was tired of my own choices. I got tired of wanting so much more to always end up owing something because something always ended up being stolen from me.

I gave my heart and my body too many times to only end up receiving nothing back but an attachment to someone who never planned to give me their heart from the start. I was frustrated. Once I begin my healing and stayed intentional also and when you do...

4) Problems will try and resurface back into your life. Why because satan is real and that's his job. But God, is real too and Hes extremely more powerful than satan.

Just because it tries and you may feel some negativity from it, doesn't mean you haven't got rid of the issue(s), You're human. And we cant control other human beings.  We are limited to controlling some of our circumstances. A lot of our thoughts are hard to control. But we can control and shift our minds. Whenever thoughts or even the actions of the person(s) you had issues with arise...cast it down and speak life over yourself with the exact scriptures you have been using. Pray for people who try to bring you down. You may fail drastically in the beginning. You may snap on that person. You might even snap on God. God will actually receive that because it's genuine and He knows the end from the beginning, Gods grace never runs out. You may not be able to deal with people who hurt you and that's normal. You are not perfect. As time goes by, it gets easier and you begin to understand and get in tune with your healing process. You'll recognize red flags in people and you'll see the triggers in yourself. You'll understand YOU better.

Remember, your healing is your responsibility and it should be a priority. During this time, it's okay to be selfish to focus on YOU. It's okay to be isolated FOR A SEASON. Don't excommunicate yourself forever now lol.

 But getting in that quiet place is necessary. There will be many tears, many overwhelming feelings, thoughts and some pain to deal with but never forget....

5) It takes time!!!!!! God gave us time that will heal all wounds when they are PROPERLY taken care of.

When you do this... come to agreement with this. Incorporate deeper prayer, and more reading of your word. This will be the fresh start of a deeper relationship with God. Begin fasts. Cut off social media, any music that can stunt your growth and create negative thought patterns, skip a meal in the day, fast from 6 am to 12 pm, skip out on sugar, research and implement a 24 hour Daniel Fast. Teach yourself about fasting in the word.

I have accepted Christ in my life at 20 years old. I am now 26 and at 25, I went through this process of healing and I feel I barely have gotten to know God at age 25. I feel reborn and renewed. And I look at life and the lives of others differently. I am healing day by day. I want others to get their healing also.

There's so many great things that God has in store for you. But you first must be healed so that God can use you to heal others. If I had not gone through my process. I would not have had this blog for you to read today and so much more on the horizon for my life.

This healing is also known as THE PROCESS! Many people run from it and that's why a lot of people have been hurt in this world. Including you. Run towards it. It's less painful than allowing even greater pain to grow in you.

I promise, you will not fail even if you fall.
I promise, you will see results in your life, if you are truly genuine about this.
I promise you will see God much greater than you have.
I promise you will attract so much abundance from people, situations and some material things.
I promise it gets easier when you are able to identify what's going on in your life.

You deserve good friends
You deserve to know God even greater.
You deserve that nice home
You deserve a great spouse
You deserve to be FREE!!!!!!

You may not see it. And sometimes I don't feel I deserve anything. But the day Christ laid His life down for you and me, was the day I believe He believed we deserved so much more.

You got this!!!!

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