I Cant Compete With Others when I'm Not a Full Competitor
In order for me to get where God designed me to be from birth, I had to look deep inside ME to see why I felt His way wasn't the best way for me to be.
YES! I attended church often.. I even taught in the church
YES! I loved God
YES! I believed God was amazing and wonderful and YES I still do these things today, but I have officially leveled up 💜
I gave my life to Christ 6 years ago, yet I officially surrendered my being to Him about a year and a half ago.
I am writing this blog to encourage you. We all must go through the process of healing. God will save you if you ask Him. God loves you even if you dont quite show Him how much you love Him often. Yet, He can not use you or promote you in life until you let go of unnecessary baggage holding you down.
This picture hit home for me in many ways.
I struggled with procrastination deeply. It wasn't by choice, it was because my lack of drive and outlook on life. The first thing on the pic above is:
#1) Procrastination:
I lived my entire life looking not at the glass as half full, not even half empty but I looked at the glass as if it was completely empty and even shattered into pieces. I had no drive, no focus, no passion, no anything. I grew up as a child saying I wanted to become a judge, then a veterinarian, then a dentist, then a nurse, then I decided to just go for medical billing and coding because I realized I never liked being around too many people nor could I handle bad smells and blood lol. What was I even thinking lol?
I wind up becoming a network marketer and still then, no success. What do I do now?
I drive non emergency medical vans lol. Is this something I plan to do forever...ummmmm NO 😂
I never really looked into what I was meant to bring to this world. I never valued myself and I never cared to. In reality, healing was never exposed to me. I never heard of it unless their was a need from sickness or disability in someone's life. I never realized we have internal issues that was embedded in us throughout our lives that needed to be removed and healed. When I look at the pic above, healing is ALL over this.
Because my veiws and experiences on life. I could never even get myself to start things. When I did start them, something would stop my progress and I'd lose my drive instantly. It was so deep for me that I would even get discouraged about my hair lol. Being a beautiful black woman, it's not easy to manage my hair. I'd get an idea to style it and as soon as I'd get the courage to try it, the moment opposition came, I'd give up on that style and never accomplished that goal. I used this mindset in every detail of my life. Because of pain, frustration, disappointment and discomfort I always decided to give up and because of that I never received the progress I was meant to recieve. Because of that, I always was set back in my life.
I identified heavily with depression and that linked to Procrastination.
The second is..EGO
I hadda big Ego, I hadda big Egooooo!!! Lol as Beyonce and Kanye West would say lol. That song used to be my jam back in the day ..no lie lol
But anywho, I used to say to everyone, "I'm just so humble" that's why I felt people treated me wrong.
🙄✋
I think we walk around with false humility. I was guilty. I used to have my days where I didnt snap back at the female I just wasn't feeling that day. I said thank you to the guy who said my shoes looked nice. I smiled at the homeless woman sitting on the bench at the park. I gave 2 dollars to the man on the curb even though I knew he was going to go buy alcohol with it. "Who Am I To Judge him right?" So with all these things I could never have a big ego. I am humble.
But... I wasn't quite that humble when my mother would communicate with me and I'd cut her off or truly ignore her because I was upset about her mistakes she made in the past. My ego was puffed up when that tall and handsome guy complimented the way my curves and hips met forming that nice coke bottle shape. I wasn't quite humble when I yelled at my little brother and called him irresponsible and lazy because he didnt wash the dishes yesterday.
When I got to the point of true surrender with God. I asked Him, to show me how I looked to Him. I began to see that my focus was everyone else. I needed to bring ME down a couple notches.
The next one on the pic is...
#3)The Knowledge You Neglect To Learn.
We live in 2018🎉🎉
A time consumed in FREE information. When I ended my last "situationship" lol I felt so damaged. I sat by myself and asked myself, "What is so bad about me that I always end up here." I always end a relationship or situationship (it's kinda like we together, but we not, like we do couple stuff but we ain't official, or we act like we together but we never had the title or displayed each other on social media lol) When those episodes of disfunction ended I was full of hurt, tears, anger, rejection, sadness and disappointment. I thought to myself, is there any truth to successful relationships? I look around and I had never seen what that even looked like. Yea I seen it in church, but I was attracting distractions.
I happened to end up on YouTube and watched a sermon called, No More Sheets by Juanita Bynum. That sermon sparked a change in me that has changed me for the rest of my life. It opened my eyes to my own life and how I chose to undervalue myself. That video led me to more videos, to more videos, to more videos. I lacked knowledge on so many levels.
One Sunday and I went up for prayer and I cried as I requested prayer for just not knowing how to love a man and God love at the same time.
My ex wasn't someone who believed in God the way I did. And I didnt understand how to b in a relationship. But the issue was just that. He didnt believe in God the way I did.
I finally understand that I can love God and love a man lol. I didnt have to compromise my body just have someone "act" like they love me. I didnt understand how to go about a relationship, but after so much knowledge and understanding, I now have the opportunity to apply wisdom to a new relationship if God gives me peace to connect with a great man😏😍😂
Knowledge is FREE!!!! And God will strategically set you up to win if you take the time step out and begin your process of healing.
The word says in Proverbs that the beginning of knowledge is to fear the Lord.
Alot of our pain comes from not reverencing God for who He is. And that was the root issue to alot of my downfalls on life.
I am going to explain more about how this pic hit home for me in my next post.. I'll tackle the next 4.
My purpose for this is to show you that many times people are not being judgemental when it comes to issues like these. It's because you really dont know how much things hit home for them. And it's a blessing that God loves us so much to correct us and get us to the point where we look back and know that everything we go through is for our good, growth and to help other people. I literally could have given atleast 10 examples and even more about how these issues hit home for me and how God is healing me of these issues. I can guarantee you may have some examples yourself, and that's ok.
God wants to heal you too!!!!
Use this photo and self examine yourself and pray. If you dont know what to pray, ask God (it can be in your head) to show you, YOU. He will not show you at once lol. He didn't show me these things all at once and everyone is different. God is a true gentleman. He's going to be honest with you, He's going to lead you and He's going comfort you as you go through your process. Get you a journal and write. Be intentional about YOU!!!!
God wants to take you from hurt to healed.
Get on YouTube
I have some created playlists specifically for you
Suscribe to my channel
Saneesha F
and let's finish our process well together 😍
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