I wasn't attracted to God

God goes from a stranger, to an associate, to a friend, to a relationship partner, to a spouse and ultimately the head of our lives.

The stranger stage:πŸ™„πŸ˜’
Looking back in life, there's this area where we can see how God was a true gentleman and pursuing us in our lives. Many of you, are in this stage now. You want more of God but you just dont really know how to start seeking Him. For me, this stage was me knowing God, but I just wasn't that interested in Him. It reminds me of the guy who is really nice and sweet but you'd rather go with the bad boy because he has more edge, style and a bit cuter lol. A better life was always the goal, I just never included God in that type of life. The perfect career, a nice apartment or house, a good car, and the man of dreams and our children was my focus. If my man was smoking or drinking...best believe I was doing it too. I wanted that JayZ and Beyonce, Ride or Die type love. That's kinda how many of you are now. You know He exists, yet there's just some things you gotta go out and get yourself if you want it to happen right? God was a stranger to me about 7 or 8 years ago. I just wasn't attracted to Him. As I look back, he wasn't that important or necessary for me. To be completely honest do you feel you are in this stage of life right now? I want to share the ultimate place and relationship status and goal God wants for you so just keep reading....

Associate Stage😢
I remember I was dating a guy for about a year. We were inseparable (so I thought). We had countless and countless sexual interactions. After a night of pleasure and I mean ALL night, me and my ex woke up the next day, and he woke up looking really disturbed. He told me about a dream he had. It disturbed me too. I kept feeling the need to read my bible so I did. I was reading with not much understanding but by faith God was showing Himself to me. I began to cry throughout some days and nights because I didnt quite understand what to do in my life. God seemed to pop in and pop out. I would get small reminders of Him, but I didn't know what it meant or what to do with His pop ups. I really didnt know Him well. Church was random Sundays. One day I woke up with the need for church. I told my boyfriend I needed to go. So I got up out the bed with him. Caught a bus to the other side of town in a hoodie, Jeans and rainboots. It was raining and I didnt care. I got there. I didnt care how much I didnt fit in, with all the well dressed members. I just needed God and church was a place I knew to connect with Him.
A lot of those pop ins from God happen at church. God wants a real relationship with us. One small step in the right direction, can lead you to the right life that God originally planned for us.When it sounds like the preacher is talking to you and judging you...Its God confirming to you that He actually exists and He cares about your life situations. We draw away from Him in these times of life because we dont know what His intentions really are with us. You may have gone through so much pain that you dont want Him to hurt you like others have. You may feel Hes to big that He doesn't care about what you need. So for now, He's just someone you hear about, may learn a little bit about and you just keep Him at a distance because he's not really that much of a friend yet.

Friend stage😏:
You began to go to church a little more. Or you began to read the bible more. Or you begin to pray more. You began to understand His ways a bit more. You are growing in faith and theres some trust built, but even then you are still battling with who you think you are and who God is showing you that you can be. God tends to show you that trusting in Him would help your life but you dont necessarily understand how you can get there. You know He has a great vibe and when you need Him, He shows up but you want to to take it slow. Thats all good, God is very patient.
In my friend stage with Him. I was still trying to get out of the old lifestyle I had. I still had a boyfriend but I tried to cut off having sex with him because I knew God didnt approve of that lifestyle. I began to go to a small church and I had the desire to serve. My boyfriend at the time just wasn't where I was. I got a call that my moms was on the verge of being totally disabled. I chose to leave where I was to go seven hours away to help w my moms and I moved permanently. I thought that me and my boyfriend were strong enough to make it through (I really thought wrong lol). He came to visit me for a week and I wanted him to stay so I broke and had sex with him because I really wanted him to be with me. I felt like my life was being ripped from me and I needed my boyfriend at the time. But no, he had already moved on with someone else. That's when I realized God was my only friend. But I had a hard time trying to figure out what a friend truly was. My boyFRIEND wasn't who I thought he was. My last FRIENDship crashed horribly. But God sent me a good friend to help. God knew that I wasn't the best person. God knows we aren't perfect. He will always meet us at our level. God's a really good friend. I just didn't know how to return the favor. So I would pop in and out of our friendship. I didn't grasp all that He was. But I knew He was something to hold on to so I didnt allow myself to stay away from Him very long. I decided that He wouldn't be a complete stranger to me anymore. I decided that He wouldn't be just an associate because He actually was worth more than that to me in my heart. I chose to make Him my friend, but that meant I had to treat Him like a friend. So I had to open up to Him a bit more and get to know Him deeper. I felt I was making the decisions but God just pulled me in in a very unique and steady way.
When you find yourself trying to get out of a dark life and you know theres a small amount of hope..its God. He knows you already but Hes aiming for you to get to know Him so He can show you that you are not what anyone had said or did that tried to destroy you. God is not against you. He loves you. Hes gonna take you faith to faith so that He doesn't come off as forceful. When you think of every relationship besides family, this is how they all start or atleast should. Now it's time to show you what boo'd up really likes like lol:

The Relationship Partner:
Remember how I stated a few sentences above that God pulled me in a very unique way? Yes, He actually used a guy to draw me in closer to Him. God will set you up to win. God will remove people and place people in your life to get to His purpose for your life. I was so lonely, drained and depressed from my ex. I was scrolling on IG and I ran across a guy's profile that had a scripture and encouraging words on his Bio. I DM'd him and told him I liked his Bio. From that day forward we were inseparable. He lived 6 hours away but we talked on the phone day and night, we video chatted all the time, we met twice when I visited and we even fell asleep on the phone together lol. I just knew he was my husband lol. He witnessed to me about God. I desired the relationship he had with God. He fasted 24 hours with me when I desired the Holy Spirit to fall on me as it fell on the people of the bible. Read Acts Chapter 2 to get a knowledge on what he had that I received. And that, that is something  you need too. So stop here and check it out.

This was the official boo'd up symbol I always fall back on this when doubt tries to arise in my mind. I'll share that experience in another post. January 16th, 2013. The official EST. of me and God. He became my boyfriend. In this stage, you have no doubt God exist and He's doing major things in your life. He cares for. He reassures you, its gonna work out and life is great and will be greater and you truly believe it. But if you dont focus on healing from the past,  trust issues will arise. I put my trust more in the guy I was connected to than God. The guy decided to go on a break and months later, he was engaged, then married and had a child. It was such a curve ball for me that I became depressed, discouraged, abandoned, felt undervalued, rejected and much more. I felt God brought him in my life and just snatched him away. I felt like I couldn't keep anyone around. I tried to fight for my relationship with God even though that kinda pushed me away.

Instead of using this moment to draw closer to God to understand exactly what I was going through, I pushed Him away because I didnt think He really cared that much. He knew I wanted a good man. I had one and he just fell in love with someone else right before my eyes. I couldn't take it and blocked him from social media.

Once again, I clung to another man. 8 months later, I got pregnant. About one and a half years later. I welcomed a baby boy into this world. Two and a half years later. I officially became a coparent and single woman. I didnt realize how much I cheated on God in our relationship. In my defense I believed this wasn't okay with God, but He understood. He understood how painful it was for someone to just up and leave me like that. My son's father and I didn't work out either. And here I am with a baby boy and still..no one to share my life with.

Once again I clung to another man.
It was full of sex, lies and secrets...3 months later, that ended and left me just wondering what is wrong with me, why cant I have someone?
The initial problem was,  that I was overlooking every single time and that was that...I had someone. I had someone who sat around while I continously gave my body to different men while He watched me. I had someone who was kind and gentle and genuinely cared about my well being. He cared about my heart not my body. He always was there for me and encouraged me. He sacrificed for me. He protected me. He loved me unconditionally, He was God and He's still the same God and He didnt change. I never realized the moment I asked God for more, He was actually in it for long run. He was worth so much more and I had to get to my lowest point to realize I was worth so much more because of Him. The moment I got curious and discontent, was the moments God wasn't as appealing to me anymore. So I cheated on Him because I wanted Him to be less than what I thought was good. I didn't know a good man if I saw one lol. He was literally right in my face.

You may be in this stage where you love God deeply. But you are having a hard time letting go of your old life. You were introduced to so much at a young age that you find yourself in the same cycles. Some days you want a way out of your relationship with God, but He is committed to you and that's what makes you stay. You feel He's doing that pop in pop out thing sometimes like he did when He was just an associate to you. In reality, its not Him popping in and out. It's you not allowing Him to enter the vulnerable parts of you. You let Him in just a bit and push Him away when it gets too deep for you. Someone may have hurt you in the deepest way possible and now its hard to let anyone in that place. But God, will enter that place, take the pain out and fill it with so much peace and joy that you won't even understand how it doesn't hurt anymore. When you allow Him. And I say allow because remember God is a gentlemen. He won't touch any part of you without your permission. He won't take you for granted. He created you so He knows you are delicate. He knows more about His people as our creator than we know about ourselves as His creation. He knows what He's doing. When you give Him permission to make you who He designed you to be. You have officially became His spouse.

Spouse Stage πŸ‘°❤πŸ‘¨‍πŸ’Ό:
Marriage is a covenant. . A covenant is an agreement. It's an oath. Not only are you agreeing to God but He comes in agreement with you. I had enough of dead end relationships and situationships (wanna be relationships with no titles or publicity lolπŸ™„πŸ˜’)  I actually clung to God the last time I ended up disappointed due to my desire of being a wife and having a family.  I clung to God so hard that all I could pray was for God to keep me. I understood just how damaged I was. I didnt want to cheat on God again. I was so afraid to fail Him, yet I wanted God so bad. I wanted to know Him how I seen other women know Him. I didnt know how to get there. I asked God to help me because I felt I'd meet another man and give my body to Him. I was literally 2 seconds out of a situationship where we had  strong sex life. I told God to be patient with me just in case I fall into sexual sin by myself (if you get what I mean) because I had a long history of that as well. I felt God took the desire from me for over a year, but in reality it wasn't the desire that was taken away. It was how consumed and engulfed in God I truly was that my mind stayed on spiritual things. I have been going strong since and I am officially off the market. I decided to stop dating because of my history of not quite making the best choices with men. I desire a friendship,  relationship and marriage to be done God's way. Not my way because I clearly didnt know what I was doing lol. God is so faithful, He encourages me to be faithful to Him. He has blessed me so much as a single woman and a mother. As His wife spiritually, I know God will bless me with an earthly husband that is spirit filled and it will be done His way. God is and will do that for you. Keep seeking Him. Keep praying. Keep finding answers in your bible. Keep engulfing yourself with faith filled blogs as mines πŸ˜‰ and YouTube pages. You can suscribe to my channel that are full of playlists from other believers I know you can get answers and guidance from. Here's a link to it:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyk5YGBTYdVmNwkBlWGqeQ6rLNePdpifW

The last relationship status is the head of your life:
This is where the business plan comes to pass
This is where you see a successful and loving marriage to an earthly spouse
This is where you hear the voice the Lord and know without a doubt that He wants you to act on things. Those things can be saying a word to someone, or praying for someone or  even NOT doing something because you know God is telling you not to.
This is NOT perfection. This is proper direction. This is the way God initially planned your life. He wants to be the head of your life.

You can have Him. You already do. My advice is to not allow things that dont work out to make you angry at God. Seek Him as to why you dont need it. Cling to Him, dont push Him away. It can turn into a lifetime cycle. I'm glad I didnt allow it to be for me for any longer.
Don't allow it for yourself either!!!!!!!!!

To be 100% transparent...this is a bit hard but
I lost my virginity at 14. I have met guy after guy trying to find love and worth in men for yearssss. But I am grateful I chose to stop that. It doesn' have to go further for you. I don't care how many men/women or length in time you wasted.

...Oh and for the the guys that's didnt work out I forgive because one (during our relationship) was in the stranger stage with God. This guy I believe will grow into God being the head of His life real soon.
One guy may be in the associate or friend stage and I'm praying the same for him.
And the other is more than likely in His marriage stage with God but during our time, he was definitely in the friendship stage and not quite healed from his past. I now understand and God has helped me to not point the finger but take full responsibility in my past actions and my healing process.
.if you would like to learn more about how to get healed, check this link out

https://www.hurt2healed.org/2018/10/how-do-i-heal.html

Dont worry God got you! He is perfect 😊
Allow God to develop a deeper relationship with you.

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