Before you get that abortion....

When you feel like you have more you want to do with your life before you bring a child or even another child in this world...
I understand.
The moment I saw a positive test result  I couldn't accept it because I knew it had to be a joke. I knew there was more I wanted to do with my life.

When you feel like the person you created the child with isn't the person you will spend the rest of your life with, so why bring a child in this world without the proper care?... I understand...
I knew deep down that my sons father wasn't the one for me to spend my life with. I felt lie a failure because I was supposed to be married first. I had had sex many times in my life unprotected and it didn't result in this... why now?

When you feel like you are not financially secure to take care of yourself let alone a child. Why bring a baby into poverty?
I understand
I slept on a couch in my mothers home my entire pregnancy and everytime I looked around I felt so ashamed, so low, so not prepared to bring a kid in this world to be attached to me. Someone who couldn't get a job no matter how many I applied to.

When you feel like you don't have the proper support to help care for that baby while you work or go to school. You don't want to be the cause of something bad happening because you aren't able to provide proper supervision for that baby. So you would be doing that child a favor by not endangering his/her life.
I understand
I live in a city with only 2 family members that could have helped me when I needed it. One of them landed in jail and the other was disabled not even able to lift over 5lbs. So how could my mother who's disabled lift my child to change a diaper? I was growing to know my sons father. (Kinda sad when I think that I didn't even fully know the person who I was having a baby by) I felt with my own daddy and family issues so it was hard to believe if he or his family would genuinely be there.

When you feel like other people are going to judge you. I understand
I had just began a new journey of knowing God. I was heavily involved in church and I already felt like I didn't have the proper connections and friends so as my belly grew and the eyes would look down at my belly...All I felt was embarrassment, shame and disconnect.

When you feel like you just don't want to go through the pain of labor and the transitions...I understand
It really hurts and it does change a lot. Your body changes, your hormones change, your mood changes a lot, your brain and how you think changes.

When you feel you don't have the proper necessities to take care of a baby..I understand
I had no income I mean Zero dollars, no car, I landed a job and lost it because of me going into labor. I was a full time student. Graduated at 8 months pregnant. I went back to higher my education and had to drop my classes because I couldnt focus on my studies. Mu sons father attended that school as well and it got shut down the semester he was supposed to graduate. So me and his father were both in a bind... we both were I understand.

I had so many thoughts of disappointment in myself. I was celibate and made a choice that had a lifetime consequence. The consequence isn't my child. It's the lifestyle change. The moment I decided to embrace the lifestyle, the more appreciation I have for being a mother. The more I seek divine and educational help on how to be a better mother. God has used my son to draw me closer to Him. I have been providing for me child. I do have the help I need. I have friends who don't judge me, but have embraced my child and me in a very refreshing way. I have a stronger prayer life. Every thought you are having now is normal. But know that things will work out. Don't focus on the what ifs. Focus on the what is and that is that you are going to have a beautiful child. I have a job that is best fit for my situation. My sons father has an amazing paying job. I don't have it al figured out and you may be feeling like you don't as well. The good news is that you don't have to have it all together to be a great mother, to provide, to protect, to love and grow as a parent. 

I am currently a mother of a freshly 4 year old. February 2019. I battled with not wanting my child. I battled with 1000 thoughts. I prayed him away. I cried countless of hours not accepting the calling of motherhood. I didn't know the thoughts I had landed in my child's life. I notice how he feels abandoned and rejected at times where there has never been a sign of that from me or his father since he was born. When I get out of a car, he stares at me from the window and he gets sad as if I'm going to leave him in the car alone. He asks, "mommy am I going with you?" I always reply, "Jordan when have I ever left you in a car alone? I'll never leave you." And I'll never want to leave him. But I didn't know that me not wanting him for the first months of his life was a seed planted in him to feel like I didn't want him.

This isn't to make you feel bad  This is to show you to take your power back. My son may have some issues now but they will not stay in his life. This is apart of his testimony. I found out as an adult that my mother was on the abortion table with me and couldn't do it. I'm not angry with my mother at all. Because...I understand. If she did follow through I wouldn't be here to have this blog into many more things to come to speak life into you and your seed. You do not know who you are carrying.

I beg you... leave those thoughts behind you. Speak into your belly life. Take back any words you have spoken over that baby. Reverse every word you have spoken against the life of that baby. Pray for your child  Pray for yourself with the power of Jesus Christ. Look for parenting courses. Find a support group that is full of godly people that can help you and pray with you. Pinterest has some good parental tips. Read your bible. Get to know your spiritual father, let Him aid you in being a parent. He's the best example of how a parent should be. Embrace your child. You are called, purposed and intentionally set up to be a parent. Let God be the author of your life. Don't make permanent decisions that will affect your life in a very drastic way. You may feel you are just getting rid of "the problem" but you are now allowing the spirit of murder to enter your body. Give no room for evil.
We may fall,  we may struggle, we may get discouraged, but it will not last always.

Raise that child up to Gods standards and don't allow the opinions of others to dictate how you parent.  Use the power of choice and the power of life to choose life.

You got this.


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