Pain is Inevitable (You Are Going To Hurt Others)

Life has a way of showing how much we are not in control. We are human beings, flawed and imperfect. We make mistakes often. We judge too harshly and we judge too quickly. Sometimes, we judge too late. Due to our imperfections and shortcomings, we are going to hurt others. Based on your level of healing and maturity, you will hurt others either intentionally or unintentionally. 

Unintentionally hurting others is apart of life.

 That doesn't mean you are NOT healed or in your process. You just may have said something innocently and wind up triggering someone. 

Most unintentional pain happens even when you are healing. It comes from the words you use that are not so much focused on a particular person or the actions you take from a pure and/or protective place. 

That place may be for justice and righteousness, or even just for enjoyment and laughter. 

Intentional hurting of others is words, expression or action im which your focus is on the person you are acting towards or talking to in a negative and offensive way. You use your pain and project it on to others. That is not okay. If you are fully aware of hurting someone and you continually do it, you are definitely in need of healing and maybe deliverance. 

The reason most people hurt others is due to hurt they have themselves have never acknowledged. 

The smallest actions and words towards yourself from others can become enlarged because we view things from a distorted mindset based on the hurt from the past. Then we use that is fuel to use against someone else. 

On the contrary, we may hurt someone unintentionally by the moves and adjustments that have to be made. Saying goodbye to toxic friends, exes or even family can be the start of your liberation yet it will hurt those that still feel they have a place in your life or a need of you. In this case, we are going to hurt people. 

Healing is a personal responsibility and it must be handled when hurt hits a person in a responsible and consistent manner. It is not your responsibility to devalue yourself in order for others to not hurt.

We are in a world full if sin, so to say that you will never hurt someone is a lie. Yet you can never hurt someone intentionally if you do not want to. Yet, that is going to take alot of self sacrifice in which God would approve, but unintentional hurt will still stand. 

You should never sacrifice your-

🌻Morals

🌻Belief in God

🌻Standards

🌻Obedience to God

🌻Affirmations

🌻Child(ren)

🌻Self Worth

🌻Goals 

🌻Mental Health and Well Being 

🌻Boundaries

🌻 Soul 

or anything valuable to you in the area of non materialistic things in order to keep your peace. The moments you do that, you wont live peacefully. Your conscience will not settle. 

Never be afraid to stand on what you stand for even if it may hurt others. Other people's lack of discipline and effort towards their own healing is not an excuse for you to stay or try and keep peace in other's lives. 

If you struggle with making choices that are beneficial for you because you fear hurting others, it may be that you deal with the issue of people pleasing. 

I will be or may have already created a blog post titled "People Pleasing Issues Explained". You can search for it using the search tool of this blog post.

If you want to be free and live life with the understanding that hurting people is inevitable and that it does not make you a bad person, you have to learn that you can not please everyone. 

The more you allow, the worse things will get. The less you allow the better you and hopefully that other person will become. If that person gets worse, that is their personal issue. 

A great example I saw on Facebook of hurting people inevitably is I saw a post that stated,

 "I'm fat but not fat fat, like I have rolls on my sides fat, but not the fat that rolls my shoes on the side kind of fat".

 It was a meme and while I was tickled, I laughed. I then had a thought of a woman struggling with her weight and crying while sitting on the side her bed. This lady was depressed and fighting to live another day while slipping on her boots that hung over. 

I was going to share it  because it was a joke. But if I did share it, it may have offended someone and they would be hurt. I honestly saw this post shared from someone who is an awesome person who too thought it was funny. That person who shared it was not intentionally trying to hurt someone, but someone may have saw it and got instantly crushed. The awesome woman who posted the meme on Facebook did not have the same conviction as me and incorporated laughing faces to her caption. That's her choice and I can't judge her for that. 

I will give another example. I was visiting a church, the pastor was telling people to thank God for what we have. The pastor said something about thanking God we have a job and not having to wash cars for a living. I thought in my head that someone could be offended because their job may be washing cars at that time particular time. While the pastor's intention was to uplift and encourage, he may have hurt someone unintentionally. As a mature person, I had to think from the perspective of the Pastor. I felt a way but I did not write that pastor off. I stayed in my seat and continued to listen to the sermon. 

There is a clause here. We are going to hurt people but alot can be avoided if we choose our words and actions wisely.

What one person may be offended by may just be funny or even helpful for another. Most days we are not able to get to know the triggers or lifestyle of everyone around us, that is impossible so that is why hurt must be healed immediately. If you find yourself offending or hurt by someone, target it with prayer and get others to fill in that gap to where you feel you cant pray.

There are many things that lead to unintentional hurt. And it is ok that people get hurt by you as long as it is unintentional. If that person who is hurt by you is close to you, mature or opened to you, they will come to you or reach out to you in order to get clarity. If that person never seeks out clarity,  then they may get over it on their own or choose to deal with it how they choose. Some people are wise enough to pick their battles. 

 It is not your responsibility to walk on eggshells for others. It is your responsibility to manage your actions and words to where you are not intentionally being negative towards others. Everyone has a part to play in this world and how we affect others. 

Do not allow perfectionism to overtake you and overpower you to where guilt and shame will hinder you. Learn to not only forgive others but to forgive yourself. If you have hurt someone and they have expressed that pain to you, about you, and the conversation is over, let it go and move on. Give that person time to adjust to you and also forgive yourself in that process. 

You are going to hurt others. 

When it comes to setting boundaries, that definitely will hurt others. Your boundaries are intentionally about your mental health and peace. Your boundaries and values are important enough to say NO. 

Continue to work on your inner self because that is a lifetime job. 

My homework for you-

Pray for discretion and look up scriptures that include discretion in it. You can Google it. 

Leave comment on what steps you can take to show discretion and also how that word ties into this blog post. Let's discuss...